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I am a student about to choose my career my father is a doctor and my grand father is as well, my mother is a dentist. A feel a lot of pressure from my parents to choose a career. They want me to choose medicine, I think I do not have the brains for such a profession. Running from home is not an option. Life here is too comfortable !

What do I do ?

Therese · Guest

I come from a family of cops... and I had the same pressure. Although I was never the 'cop' type. My father tried all the tricks .. enrolled me in the scouts when I was 10, used to take me to see the police dogs .. but I did not have any of that. I am studying for a mechanical engineer...

Now I just avoid family reunions Razz

bren · New User Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 5 Career Advice: +0/-0

Hello Guest:

How old are you?

I think a lot of us have felt the pressure from our parents especially if they are proud of what they do.

I was fortunate that my parents let me choose my own path, though, my options were limited to those careers they deemed respectable.

Fortunatly, I had a love for making things and was very inquisitive as a kid. I ended up studying Electrical Engineering in school and am happy I did.

7days · Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 6:30 am Post subject: Career Options

You need to do what YOU want to do for a career, as it's YOU that will be going to college for that career. And it is YOU that would have to apply for work in that area of business. And it is YOU that would have to work and learn that sort of a business that YOU want to do. YOU need to be happy, and you can't make your parents happy. THEY have to make themselves happy! If you don't want to go with medicine, then do not do that. The last thing we would need would be some doctor that's unqualified, that is not thorough or detailed, that is bored with the profession (that can be very clear), we need doctors that are dedicated and enjoy what they are doing and that are good at it, and thorough and so forth.

So just now what type of work do you want to do the rest of your life? Well at least for a few years after graduation? What are your interests? What do you like or dislike? What are you good at? Go with that and then find a career that you could make money on. Find a school, and get going with it.

Cameron

I agree with the posts here: you need to do what you want to do. Doing what others want is the single surest route to unhappiness I know, in the area of careers or out.

That is not to say that we shouldn't think of and even serve others. But it must be willingly, or what serves others is an empty husk where a person should be. Doing others' bidding -- living out others' vicarious desires that we be what *they* wanted to have been, or are, or would like to be -- for hundreds of hours a month, over many years, will leave you empty. Resist!

That said, I must take exception to your statement about your intelligence. I truly hold to the view that a person can do anything he or she sets the mind to. Sure, there are limits to what any person can do, or how far they can change, but it really is all in the head: not in the intellect, but in the will and perseverance. Don't sell yourself short. You hold worlds within you. If you have to spend the rest of your life discovering that, it would be a worthy pursuit indeed.

Camilla · Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 2:23 pm Post subject:

I have to agree with those who have gone before, too, although I do understand that this must be a terribly difficult situation for you.

My husband was under the same kind of pressure when he was younger. His father was an obstetrician and his mother a midwife (guess where they met?). His 12 year older brother followed his parents example and became a GP and his sister, although not doing quite what was expected of her, became a vet, which was accepted as it was still medical related and would give a good, solid income.

My husband, however, wasn't interested in anything medical. He wanted to act. Can you imagine how his family reacted to that? Acting? Standing on a stage doing nothing useful? Not saving any lives? What good was an actor to society? Obviously, that kind of attitude is wrong - we need entertainers.

His father was disgusted but my husband stuck to his guns. He wouldn't have made a good doctor but he is a very good actor (I'd love to tell you his name but he's asked me not to because of this background story) and earns more than his father did and more than both his brother and sister combined. Do you think that makes any difference, though? No. His father refuses to acknowledge him. His mother visits but she's not allowed to mention him in front of his father which is an awful situation for her.

Of course my husband finds it very sad that his father has disowned him based purely on his career choice but he knows he's far happier doing what comes naturally to him instead of pushing himself to do something he hates just for the sake of family peace. After all, he doesn't have to live with his father but he does have to live with his career.

In contrast, one of my husband's colleague's daughters went into the acting profession because she felt her mother wanted that of her. She wasn't happy and it caused terrible rows in the family.

Whatever you do, you'll never please everybody so concentrate on pleasing the person who's most important to your life - you. Try not to hurt anybody in the process but if they choose to hurt themselves by not accepting that you are choosing your own happiness in just the same way as they did, then so be it.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

~Camilla

Cameron · Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 6:55 pm Post subject:

Camilla's story is a perfect demonstration of the narcissism that's really going on behind parents' vicarious intentions for their children.

If this example of conditional love -- I'll love you IF you are what I want you to be professionally -- does not make clear that even if you compromised yourself, you'd still have no authentic love from others to show for it, then nothing will. The approval you get will always be conditional and related to something outside of you, like your career choices, and will not be approval for you yourself.

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