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Minnesotareader · New User Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Career Advice: +0/-0

Hi, been at this job for 16 months. 99% of people like me except coworker sitting across from me. Since day 1, I don't think she ever liked me. I am 50, she's 33. Good worker, but she's a self centered, narcisstic, emotional person. Won't or barely greets me in the morning, I have to make the initiative. She has asked me maybe 5 times how my weekend was. She's a person who knows everything, I don't know what she's going through or what her life has been like, etc, etc. She's been talked to by our supervisor and HR re: her attendance, being denied vacation. Plus she's constantly late, etc. She makes requests of me to make the work situation or her life better, but won't follow anything I have to offer. You get the picture. Professionally she has used swear words which I had to approach her on, angry - tosses things around, loudly closes desk drawers, etc. Not so much anymore, she has toned down, why I don't know if she was approached. I finally just got burned out on her self centeredness, anger, etc., I just shut down emotinoally. I greet her in the morning, and that's it. I sometimes will ask her about her weekend, but again she does not ask me about mine. We both have gone from lite discussion to barely speaking at all to each other (silent treatment), yet we both can talk to others. I will admit my part, but I just can't handle her self centeredness anymore. I just recently checked w/supv. on open positions, for now there is none. The job market is not that good where I live. I feel really stuck, I get depressed going to work. I have talked to my employers assistance program. I've heard and read various things: yes, go to supverisor, and no don't. Just ignore her. It's hard when you are only working 8 feet apart. I feel like we are both 10 year olds. I just shut down when people treat me like crap, yet, I recognize I should have said something months ago! Any suggestions on trying to make a bad situation better, do I approach her, my supervisor? I am in a for profit company which I did not think I would be staying this long, but it intrigues me, others have treated me nicely. I did not want to take this job when offered from temp to hire, but I needed a job. Are my expectatinos to high on being treated with common courtesty. I don't expect that we will be best briends, but get over yourself. Anyone gone through this and how did you handle this, did you change jobs, approach your supervisor or coworker? Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

lexa10881 · Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 1:18 am Post subject:

Going through this right now!!! Except I am half my boss' age and whatever is wrong in her life she is taking it out on a bunch of us at work. I have always looked to her as a motherly figure because she is a very take-charge kind of lady and is usually very clear in her expectations of us. She has been so bad that I too have considered quitting. But dear, please realise that in any relationship [or lack thereof] that you are only half of the equation. Even if you are giving more than your fair share, maybe giving 80-90% and she is giving only a little, that you still cannot give 100%. The math does not work like that. You cannot make it work on your own. She is obviously not too concerned with making it better.

I personally treat my boss very coolly at present as she has tried to have a superior fire me recently. I am watching my toes carefully and not saying much, which has caused quite a ripple thru our company. But, in my silence I am coming out looking good; it is hard for her to get me fired when all I offer her are bare minimum courtesies and focus on doing my job right.

My advice to you: beware of what she may try to dish out to you. You should not stress yourself with a ill-sought search for a friend in her that you most likely will not find. Try to maintain a professional, working relationship with her only. If it bothers you, then say something to her directly one day in as neutral a manner as possible. But I would quit worrying about whatever her problem is and just focus on you as much as possible.

http://www.cvtips.com/survive_office_politics.html

Minnesotareader · New User Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Career Advice: +0/-0

Thanks for your response. I slept better last night after reading your response. You are right, I should quit worrying/thinking so much about her, keep it professional, and focus on myself. You pointed out something true that maybe I did not want to face about me trying to make a friend (even if there is an age difference), and she did not want any part of it. This person was just consuming way too much of my time - my problem. I was trying way too hard and got burned. Ouch!! I appreciate your honest answer in a nice direct way!!

ank06 · Expert Joined: 20 Sep 2006 Posts: 248 Career Advice: +1/-0

Oh...that's not a reason to change your job. Maybe if the boss was in a certain negative way with you, maybe...but a co-worker? If she doesn't understand she has to do her job, then get to regulations and stuff. Sure, it is advisable that you get along with everybody at work, but if there's no understanding and awareness, there's nothing!

http://www.cvtips.com/types_of_difficult_people.html

Jazel · Newbie Joined: 17 Sep 2007 Posts: 3 Career Advice: +0/-0

You have a job to do and that is to go to work, perform your best and get paid. You do not go to work to make friends and you are not obligated to anyone other than to your job.

Minnesotareader · New User Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 6 Career Advice: +0/-0

I guess my "expectations" of working relationships included common courtesy. What was I thinking? Rolling Eyes

I hear what everyone is saying about going there to work and not make friends, but some of my good friends have come from "working" relationships. Not that I was expecting to become best friends with this person, just some common courtesy. Live and learn. Thanks everyone for your input.

lexa10881 · Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 5:33 am Post subject:

You can have working relationships, and expecting such is not unrealistic. It is just that some of us are more grown up than others, and it has nothing to do with physical age. Try to connect with the others in your office and maybe when she realises she is the only one not in the group at lunchtime or such, then maybe she will realise herself what she is doing and lighten up a little. Some people cannot be pushed but can only come into things on their own terms in due time.

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