Hello guys. could you please check my motivation letter

[Alexandra1988]

Dear
I am hereby applying for entrance to the *****
First of all, let me please introduce myself. My name is *****and I am originated from Russia. I graduated from National Research Nuclear University (Moscow, Russia) in 2010 year with a qualification Economist majoring in “Business accounting, analyses and audit” My diploma research had focused on the subject of Accounting and Audit of intangible assets of the certain enterprise in the sphere of information technologies.
Since the early years, economy and finance were main fields of interest to me. I had been studying in economical class in school and my favorite subject was macroeconomics. During the study I had made an essay paper concentrated on the types of inflation and the current type of inflation in Russia. My essay was presented in the school science fair and was awarded second place.
Whereas my study in the university I had a chance to deepen my knowledge in economics and finance with three semesters of Economic theory and two semesters of International Economics. During the study of Economical Theory and International Economics I had prepared two essays regarding Neoclassical Economics and Indifferences curves, their nature and qualities. I had received an “excellent” for both these essays. I was also easy with business analyses and enjoyed drawing conclusions. My work on business analysis of concern Sukhoi (airplane construction) had received high appraisal from the professor and the “excellent” grade.
I started working as an accountant on the fourth year of my study. For last two and a half years I am working in German company ******having been promoted from an intern to the chief accountant assistant.
I have been working as an accountant for almost four years already and I feel that I am ready to change my field of occupation and move to financial sphere as I always wanted. There is a high demand for financial managers in the investment sphere in Russia at present time. Since I had been a student my dream was to work in one of the biggest investment companies in Russia - *****. However, after study of the requirements of the company , I realized that my knowledge and skills are not sufficient enough to apply for a position. Thus, I decided to receive a master degree in order to enhance the knowledge in international banking and corporate management. I am ambitious and I am aimed at moving up on career ladder rather fast. Therefore, I should obtain the best education in the financial and banking sphere. To my regret, Russian universities don’t offer a program which could cover a vast volume of theory and be practically linked at the same time. That is why I decided to receive a degree in the foreign university.
The high quality of German education is well-known in Russia. I heard a lot of praises of the high level of german education from my colleagues. After studyi the Master programs in German universities, I realized that The *******program in your university is the most applicable for me. Firstly,*** program covers a wide range of the theoretical disciplines which would be useful in my future career in investment sphere. Moreover, it is largely professionally oriented with the opportunity to learn from the top specialists from banking and financial sector. In addition, as I am especially interested in building up a career in the investment banking and **** program containing such subjects as the subjects required for a successful career in the sphere.
I am sure that **** program would give me an opportunity to develop my professional skill and obtain the position in the investment sphere in my country. I hope that by sharing the knowledge and skills I would receive on the **** I would contribute to the r on the level business investment in Russia.
Finally, I would like to thank you for the given opportunity to apply to for the Master degree in one of the best universities in German.
Thank you for considering my application.
Faithfully yours,

[CleeIB]

Hi Alexandra,

Your cover letter is too long. It includes things that should be in your CV.

Think of your CV as the "who/what/where" of your career. In your CV, you are listing the facts of your career: who you were, what you did, and where you did it.

Your first 3 paragraphs contain that kind of information, and you don't need it there. Your CV will show those facts.

Think of your cover/motivation letter as the "how/why" of your career. There you explain things that go beyond the facts listed in your CV. You explain the thinking behind your career. Why did you choose to do XYZ? How did you come to do ABC?

That is the stuff in the last half of your motivation letter - you want to keep that stuff. You explain how Russian universities don't offer the education you want, so you are applying to a German school. That's one of the most important reasons why you are applying - so don't bury it halfway through your motivation letter. Put it up front, at the top.

Hope this helps!

[Workingmon]

I would have to agree - too long and a little too wordy. keep it simple, and to the point. You have a good idea for what you want out of it though - Good luck!

[syed2012]

I do agree with workingmon's reply, write less but meaningful.