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Jenny · New User Joined: 26 Aug 2005 Posts: 5 Career Advice: +0/-0

Hi people,

Been browsing around here and this looks like a good place to air an issue I'm having with myself at the moment.

The thing is, I'm 29 and as I approach my 30th, I've started to think more about my biological clock that's ticking away.

I've been married for 2 years although we've lived together for 5 and been together for 10. My other half would like a family and so would I, but my career is also important to me. Because I'm at quite a critical stage, taking a couple of years out to have a child isn't really an option - I'd have to work right up until the birth and then come back to work as soon as possible, probably when the baby was just 3 months and I'm not so sure that's the best way of being a mother.

I'm really in a quandry over this.

Anybody have any experience of combining motherhood with a career? If so, I'd love to hear how you handled the situation and whether or not you feel you made the right decision.

thanks ahead of time for any answers,

Jenny

C_Vaughan · Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:25 am Post subject:

It depends on you more than anything else. I went back to work with my oldest child and stayed home with my youngest. There is no question that I did the right thing by staying home with the second one. I wish I would have been in a position to do it with my first.

Biological clock or not, you have to be true to yourself while still being fair and honest with your partner. Communication is essential.

Consider your values and beliefs. What matters most to you? Perhaps think of it this way.... in 30-35 years, will you wish you had spent more time working or raising a family? Some people are more career-minded than others. It's not right or wrong, necessarily, just different than others. If this is you, then that needs to be thought through. If you think you'd regret not being at home with your child or children when they're young, then that will weigh heavily on your decision as well.

It's a personal choice.

~C. Vaughan

Can you telecommute?

5tein · New User Joined: 05 May 2006 Posts: 9 Career Advice: +0/-0

I think you're right to be concerned about trying to balance work and motherhood, and if you decide to choose one or the other my personal suggestion would be to put the career on hold for 4-5 years and devote that time to the child. I recognize that this is almost a heretical stance to take in todays society, as full-time motherhood is an often an underappreciated and undervalued job.

My wife and I made that choice 4 years ago, and though she certainly becomes exhausted by the monotony and frustration of the job of full-time mom from time to time, she also recognizes the singular positive impact that the decision has made on our family. We believe our son has benefited tremendously from the decision emotionally and intellectually, and wife feels we have a closer, happier family because of it. Because of the limited income we've simply had to learn to distinguish better between wants and needs, and I believe that too has made us a better family.

4 years is not a short period of time, but it's not terribly long either. In our case my wife has staved off boredom by taking evening classes at our local college, which gives me a golden opportunity to spend time one-on-one with our boy.

One legitimate concern is that when you get back in the job market there can be some difficulty explaining the gap to employers who fail to appreciate your decision, but I've also met many women in the academic arena who have found the decision to be empowering, and have managed to overcome this obstacle to fit both pieces into their lives without ultimately demoting the importance of either.

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