Free Career and Job Search Advice

candle21428 · Newbie Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 1 Career Advice: +0/-0

Hello there,

I have graduated from May 2007 but for some reasons I am still not able to find a job in the actuarial field. After a short email conversation with another actuary, he urged me to fix the grammatical problem(s) in my resume so that I will have a better chance getting a job. Since I am not in school and it will take me 2-3 hours to visit the career center in person, I am wondering if anyone her can fix the the resume for me? Here is his suggestion to my resume:

" You have several grammatical errors (3 that I saw when just glancing at it) along with some "non-standard" wording (i.e., grammatically correct, but native speakers don't talk that way - won't get you nixed, but it makes the errors even worse).

There's nothing wrong with your resume from an actuarial viewpoint. Work with the university's career services office on the grammar and send it back and I'll take another look, but your problem isn't actuarial, it's English."

Here is the resume:

OBJECTIVE:
To obtain a full time actuarial position with potential for future employment.
EDUCATION:
B.S. Applied Mathematics and Statistics Date of graduation: 5/2007
B.A. Economics
[School name]
Cumulative G.P.A. : 3.71
Major Honor: Magna Cum Laude
- Dean’s list for 6 semesters
Passed Exam P and exam FM

COMPUTER SKILLS:
Applications: Microsoft Excel, Access, Power point, Work, Outlook, PHP, SQL, HTML, Maple
Programming: Basic knowledge of Java
Statistical Software: Minitab 
LANGUAGE SKILL:
Fluent Cantonese Chinese and conversational Mandarin
RELATED EXPERIENCE:
[School name], Undergraduate Teacher Assistant, Fall 2005
 Communicated and met with 10 to 20 students weekly
 Evaluated the student’s performance through their recitations and homeworks
 Explained complex idea in mathematics and economics to students

[Bank name], Intern, Summer 2004
 Operated as part of SAR report team to figure out any suspicious transaction and wrote the Suspicious Activity Report (SAR)
 Collected and analyze transactions data for the SAR report
 Managed data using Microsoft Excel and Access
 Communicated on daily basis with the CEO and upper management
ADDITIONAL EXPERIENCE:
[Gov intern], Summer Intern, Summer 2006
 Utilized interpersonal and communication skills to resolve customer concerns/issues (approximately 100 customers/day)
 Handled multiple tasks simultaneously under pressure
 Collaborated with Inspectors and Architects in answering questions from customers

[One internet company], Internet Marketing Intern, Summer 2005
 Translated and updated the web site
 Developed new idea to market the search engine and created buzz

---------------------------Cover letter--------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. xxxx:

I would like to be considered for the entry level actuarial position offered by your company. I have completed my B.S. degree in Applied Mathematics and Statistics (AMS) with a second major in Economics (ECO) from [School name] in May 2007.

While I was still in college, I worked as an undergraduate teacher assistant for my Economics department. This experience has allowed me to utilize both my communication and public speaking skills. I have also passed both Exam P and Exam FM with a decent score and I am actively preparing for third Exam. I am confident that the combination of my Exam results, school lessons and teacher assistant experience has prepared and allowed me to assimilate quickly and easily into the company. During the summer of year 2007, I have created my first online business website and competed with millions of similar websites in the market. Even though the website itself is not related to actuary, the many analytical skills I learned, such as monetizing and analyzing incoming traffic, boosting daily revenue and improving search engine ranking, have sharpened the statistics and analytic skills I learned in school. As a webmaster, I also have to communicate and collaborate with different joint venture partners and webmasters from all over the world. I believed my ambition and enthusiasm will help me achieve success in the company.

It has always been my dream to work in a big corporation like [company name]. With wide range of customers from those in academic to research fields, I truly believe there is a lot I can learn in [compane name]. This experience will definitely enhance my professional growth and competitiveness. I look forward to this excellent opportunity for advancement. If additional information or clarification is necessary, please feel free to contact me at [tel] or email me at [email].

Sincerely,

[Name]

safri · Expert Joined: 20 Sep 2006 Posts: 213 Career Advice: +1/-1

How about trying to fix those yourself with a little help from us? Smile

Rather than asking someone to do it entirely? It's not nice Very Happy

...Ok....so here are my suggestions: Download the European CV Format from here and tailor your resume after the categories you find in there:

http://www.cvtips.com/EU_CV_Format.html

It doesn't matter it is called European...it is generally valid. About the cover letter. The cover letter should be about what you can do for the company, not about the story of your life...when you graduated, what happened then etc etc.

C_Vaughan · Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 4:15 am Post subject:

Take a look at this cover letter article and see if it might help. You need to take the focus off of yourself and put it on the needs of the employer and how you can meet those needs.

Match your skills to those the employer is searching for.

~C. Vaughan

restlesshands · Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 1:32 am Post subject: grammar

I would sussgect making your objective a little more personal rather than just a statement.

ie. I am seeking to obtain a full-time actuarial position.

I would refrain from using 'with potential for future employment" it just doesn't seem like something a future employer would want to read, and I really don't think they care that much about it. Instead of this, I might also add something like, I am keen to develop upon my new-found skills and believe that I would be an asset to your company.

Under related experience:

- student's should be spelled without the apostrophe: ie.. students rather than student's because the apostrophe means "student is" and the line 'student is performance' is therefore grammatically incorrect.

- homeworks shouldn't have a 's' at the end of it.. homework will suffice.

- idea ... I'm sure you explained more than ONE idea.. so add an s on the end of idea and that sentence will be more complete

- You need to define what SAR is when you first write it down rather than the second time. This threw me off because I was like.. what's SAR? so I would rewrite that sentence to read... Operated as part of the Suspicious Activity Report (SAR) team to figure out any suspicious transactions and wrote the SAR.
This way, people reading the sentence won't be confused but understand that the next time you write SAR, they will know what you are talking about because you've clarified that previously.

- analyze should be analyzed... transaction (no s) ... since the R in SAR stands for report there is no need to repeat it after SAR.

- I would suggest writing out per rather than using a slash - it just seems a little more professional to write it out. (approximately 100 customers per day)

Cover letter:

B.S. - even though pretty much everyone knows what this stands for, its nice to see it spelled out in full. Although the next time you mention it, the shortened version would be better to use.

- "with a decent score" might be better read as "with decent scores" because you are speaking of two exams not just one.

- "preparing for third Exam" try.. "preparing for my third exam" instead

- "summer of year 2007" sounds too foreign.. "summer of 2007" would be better

- 'I created' instead of 'I have created'

- I believed ... no 'd'

- with wide range (insert an a) with a wide range

- instead of definitely.. perhaps.. "this experience will, without doubt, enhance"

- try this for the last sentence... If any additional information or clarification is required, please ... etc etc...

Overall, I think its pretty good...
Hope this helps

Good Luck

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