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charlesperez
Newbie
Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 1
Career Advice: +0/-0
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 Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:34 pm Post subject: please critique my resume and cover letter |
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please critique my resume and cover letter. the cover letter is just an example of how i would send it. it does not specify exactly the job because then i would add skills and qualities that match the job position. i just want to know if it is a good cover letter to submit when applying for jobs. thanks in advance.
Date
Mr. Employer Name
Employers Title
Company Name
Company Address
City State ZipCode
Dear Mr. Employer Last Name
Your need for an (Name of Position) in your company job id number (1234) is a good match for my nine years of experience in administrative assisting. My resume accompanies this letter for your review and would like to learn more about this opportunity.
At the moment as a Unit Administrator/Human Resources Assistant, I have saved my employer $6,000 by creating a Web page to track military officers and developed a database that saved the company time to enter all correspondence of staff. By bringing these special skills your company will save time and money and with my typing skills which can help your company finish projects and tasks promptly.
(job) is a place where I can make a difference, and with my experience in (skill) and (skill), I can impact you very quickly. At your convenience I would welcome the opportunity to discuss how I can help you achieve your goals. If you have any questions, please contact me at xxxxxx or by e-mail at xxxxx I will be contacting you within a week. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Charles Perez
Enclosure: Resume
CAREER OBJECTIVE
Challenging position as an Administrative Assistant that allows me to help managers focus on their primary responsibilities, help the company advance efficiently and productively as an innovative problem solver with extensive software proficiency, office management capabilities, and a track record for delivering results.
ACQUIRED SKILLS
Computer: Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, Access, Outlook, PowerPoint); Keyboarding accurately at 69 words per minute; Web Designer; Troubleshoot Computers.
Bilingual in Spanish (reading, writing, speaking, and interpreting)
HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS
Dedicated and focused who thrives in environments requiring ability to effectively prioritize and juggle multiple concurrent projects; sharp in learning and comprehending new systems and methods; collaborate effectively with others; work without constant supervision and acts independently by adapting and implementing new strategies; highly analytical thinking with demonstrated talent for identifying, improving, and streamlining complex work processes.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Unit Administrator /Human Resources Assistant United States Army (07/2006-Present)
Communicate with Tech Sergeant preparing new military officer files; schedule, plan and coordinate meetings, interviews, appointments, events and other similar activities for supervisors using Microsoft Outlook, provide training support for all components of the Military: (Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard) by giving orientation to new staff and military; self-motivated by taking on tasks such as ordering office supplies, designing slide presentations and flyers using Microsoft Power Point, Publisher and Adobe Photoshop.
• Initiate, and help complete many projects by designing a webpage to update, maintain projects, and newsletters of all military officers, this saved the company $6,000.
• Develop databases using Microsoft Access, this saved about 20 hours a week of time to enter all military correspondence.
General Office Clerk Lipman Insurance Administrators
(10/2005-02/2006)
Coordinated with various staff for operational support activities of the unit; serve as a liaison between departments and operating units in the resolution of day-to-day administrative and operational problems; answering phones up to 6 lines; recorded and filed all corporate documents; communicated with multiple managers to prepare flyers and medical insurance packets to send to clients.
• Relieved off Customer Service Representatives by handling Spanish speaking customers and inquiries, this saved time by only concentrating on Spanish clientele.
• Able to learn quickly from a File Clerk and moved on to a Mail clerk then to receptionist in less than a month.
Administrative Assistant MWB Framing Company
(06/2000-06/2005)
Reviewed and prepared purchase order forms to order all office supplies and tools needed for the company; established effective business relationships with new and existing customers by quickly analyzing problems and developing solutions such as translating and interpreting all flyers and forms from English to Spanish using Microsoft Word and Publisher; composed, edited correspondence and prepared proposals using macros.
• Achieved top production volume by maintaining high degree of accuracy with typing speed at 69 wpm.
• Created queries and spreadsheets using Microsoft Access and Excel, this saved the company 5 hours a day and $1,000 a month by not hiring an extra part time assistant.
EDUCATION
Heald Business College of Concord
Associate of Applied Science: Business Administration with Software Technologies |
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Pauloz
Expert
Joined: 02 Oct 2007
Posts: 1160
Career Advice: +3/-0
Location: Sydney
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| Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:33 am Post subject: Re: please critique my resume and cover letter |
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charlesperez
You're definitely in the running for a higher job, on the basis of this. Comments in italics, suggestions below. Note edit of your contact details, standard policy to protect members from possible nuisances, phishing, etc.
| charlesperez wrote: | please critique my resume and cover letter. the cover letter is just an example of how i would send it. it does not specify exactly the job because then i would add skills and qualities that match the job position. i just want to know if it is a good cover letter to submit when applying for jobs. thanks in advance.
Date
Mr. Employer Name
Employers Title
Company Name
Company Address
City State ZipCode
Dear Mr. Employer Last Name
Your need for an (Name of Position) in your company job id number (1234) is a good match for my nine years of experience in administrative assisting. My resume accompanies this letter for your review and would like to learn more about this opportunity.
"The advertised position...job id..is.."
"...and I would like..."
At the moment as a Unit Administrator/Human Resources Assistant, I have saved my employer $6,000 by creating a Web page to track military officers and developed a database that saved the company time to enter all correspondence of staff. By bringing these special skills your company will save time and money and with my typing skills which can help your company finish projects and tasks promptly.
"In my current position... I have"
Delete the "By bringing..." sentence. Insert instead " My skills and my work is based on increasing efficiency and functionality in these systems." That's no more than the facts, and you're saying you can add value to the job in another way, not repeating the basic information.
(job) is a place where I can make a difference, and with my experience in (skill) and (skill), I can impact you very quickly. At your convenience I would welcome the opportunity to discuss how I can help you achieve your goals. If you have any questions, please contact me at xxxxxx or by e-mail at xxxxx I will be contacting you within a week. Thank you for your time.
Delete "and with my experience in (skill) and (skill), I can impact you very quickly." Not grammatically correct, either, always watch for that missing word or so.
Sincerely,
Charles Perez
Enclosure: Resume
CAREER OBJECTIVE
Challenging position as an Administrative Assistant that allows me to help managers focus on their primary responsibilities, help the company advance efficiently and productively as an innovative problem solver with extensive software proficiency, office management capabilities, and a track record for delivering results.
This just needs to be reorganized and expressed slightly differently. You're stating career goals, which means showing a logical progression relating to the jobs you apply for, so keep that context in mind.
"I seek a challenging, productive role in an administrative and systems problem solving role to develop my skills, experience and qualifications."
See suggestions below re innovation and track record points.[/i]
ACQUIRED SKILLS
Computer: Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, Access, Outlook, PowerPoint); Keyboarding accurately at 69 words per minute; Web Designer; Troubleshoot Computers.
Bilingual in Spanish (reading, writing, speaking, and interpreting)
Delete "ACQUIRED", not necessary.
HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS
Dedicated and focused who thrives in environments requiring ability to effectively prioritize and juggle multiple concurrent projects; sharp in learning and comprehending new systems and methods; collaborate effectively with others; work without constant supervision and acts independently by adapting and implementing new strategies; highly analytical thinking with demonstrated talent for identifying, improving, and streamlining complex work processes.
"Dedicated and focused person..."
"..collaborates effectively..."
"..works without..."
Suggest you do this as a list, rather than a paragraph, easier to read. Suggest "self starter able to act independently..." rather than work without constant supervision as more appropriate to the actual role, although I know what you mean, and so would an employer.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
Unit Administrator /Human Resources Assistant United States Army (07/2006-Present)
Communicate with Tech Sergeant preparing new military officer files; schedule, plan and coordinate meetings, interviews, appointments, events and other similar activities for supervisors using Microsoft Outlook, provide training support for all components of the Military: (Army, Marines, Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard) by giving orientation to new staff and military; self-motivated by taking on tasks such as ordering office supplies, designing slide presentations and flyers using Microsoft Power Point, Publisher and Adobe Photoshop.
• Initiate, and help complete many projects by designing a webpage to update, maintain projects, and newsletters of all military officers, this saved the company $6,000.
• Develop databases using Microsoft Access, this saved about 20 hours a week of time to enter all military correspondence.
"File management, administrative functions scheduling for senior staff, training and orientation support for all US military services. Additional roles include website management design and maintenance, graphics presentations including slideshows, development of databases."
The last two points relate to the cover letter. In a CV, these would be a sub heading "Achievements" under the description of the role.
General Office Clerk Lipman Insurance Administrators
(10/2005-02/2006)
Coordinated with various staff for operational support activities of the unit; serve as a liaison between departments and operating units in the resolution of day-to-day administrative and operational problems; answering phones up to 6 lines; recorded and filed all corporate documents; communicated with multiple managers to prepare flyers and medical insurance packets to send to clients.
• Relieved off Customer Service Representatives by handling Spanish speaking customers and inquiries, this saved time by only concentrating on Spanish clientele.
• Able to learn quickly from a File Clerk and moved on to a Mail clerk then to receptionist in less than a month.
Achievements subheading for the Customer Service point.
"Relieved Customer Service..."
Delete last point, relates to able to learn quickly info in cover letter.
Administrative Assistant MWB Framing Company
(06/2000-06/2005)
Reviewed and prepared purchase order forms to order all office supplies and tools needed for the company; established effective business relationships with new and existing customers by quickly analyzing problems and developing solutions such as translating and interpreting all flyers and forms from English to Spanish using Microsoft Word and Publisher; composed, edited correspondence and prepared proposals using macros.
• Achieved top production volume by maintaining high degree of accuracy with typing speed at 69 wpm.
• Created queries and spreadsheets using Microsoft Access and Excel, this saved the company 5 hours a day and $1,000 a month by not hiring an extra part time assistant.
This material needs reworking. The interpreter role can be extremely valuable, a job getter in its own right. See below.
EDUCATION
Heald Business College of Concord
Associate of Applied Science: Business Administration with Software Technologies
Show date and qualifications gained. |
Should be a "References" heading here.
Suggestions:
I spent 20 years in admin, including as a supervisor. You're an obviously productive, proactive person. Getting that message across effectively to readers with only basic information is often difficult, and the fact that you have multiple roles tends to blur exactly how much, as well as what, you do in these positions.
Think "bureaucratic process", when constructing your CV. The readers of job applications are limited to a checklist approach, reading your material. It's a matter of hitting the right combination of points.
Important: Always use expressions and terminology contained in the essential criteria for jobs. These are the buttons you need to hit.
The cover letter should work entirely on adding to the CV, not repeating information. You can do this either way, using an Achievements subheading, or including the information in your cover letter, but the idea is to show the value of your work. If the CV says what you did, the cover letter should explain how you did it. You can build in innovation and track record in your cover letter, for example.
My gut instinct says you should particularly spell out your current role, function by function, something like that rough draft I gave you. You need to do justice to your multi skilled work. It occurred to me while I was writing it that you probably do a lot more. I've worked on document tracking databases, and there's a lot of extra work involved, debugging, and maintaining the data in a workable form.
The Achievements subheadings should be targeted to the jobs you apply for. You've got obviously good administrative skills. I'd be surprised if you couldn't find something like that $6000 saving in other areas, where you've done something which can show good productivity.
Spanish interpreter roles: These are potentially excellent jobs, particularly in your line of work. I'd suggest you specifically target these jobs. This is a very important role, particularly in the US public sector, and good interpreters with your additional skills are hard to find. You could get a job with any government or public organization, and probably do well in the private sector.
Try putting together the amended CV, see how it looks. Post the redraft, and we'll help you out with it. |
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