31 and at a crossroads

[faz44]

I'm in dire need of guidance. I'm 31, I feel washed up and sometimes I feel as though I don't care if I wake up tomorrow. I have suffered from stress-related mild depression in the past but I've never felt this way before. I work for one of Britain's most notorious corporations and I earn university leaver money. I say this because they'll offer graduates in London more money than I earn here for a lesser role. I just keep wondering where it all went wrong.

I basically screwed around for years. My A Levels are nothing special, I failed my finals at university, three years (plus one waiting for retakes) wasted and ten I fell into insurance. I worked in the City of London, earning terrible money (£14,000 pa), and that place ruined me. It was essentially a glorified data entry job, I wasn't properly trained or managed and no matter what I did, I seemed to be punished. For instance, I inherited a bunch of accounts in a total mess. I fixed two accounts and they were handed off to a new colleague. I felt like the **** shoveller. I got a £2,000 payrise however. A mislaid cheque was found on my desk when I was away, I return to a disciplinary and felt like I was being set up to be dismissed within three months. I was in the advanced stages of leaving for another company and joined them soon after, taking a £19,000 pa salary.

The second job was even worse. Hideous corporate environment, people sacked on the quiet, I hated all of my colleagues and I became a shopoholic. I have CDs and DVDs from 2003 I've never even watched because I would shop every day. I left the job, ended up at home with my mum and dad and somehow wound up taking a shady computer training course. I got a qualification - a CIW Master Web Designer qualification - at the end of 2004 but then proceeded to waste 2005 studying for a Microsoft Certified Application Developer course that I was not at all ready for and gave up at the end of 2005. I couldn't find a job in web design and I got a job here in the middle of 2006 after nearly 2 1/2 years out of employment for £3,000 less than I left in insurance, starting at £16,000.

I essentially started over at 25, nearly 26. While my role was initially to assist a project manager, my job evolved into software testing and business analysis pretty quickly. I received £1,000 pay bumps upon confirmation I had passed my probation and at the following pay review. There was a concern my line manager would leave and my pay and title were bumped up so I could replace him, I was now a grade higher and earning £21,000. I then received another pay bump in early 2008 to £22,000. I had been looking for another job, I was waiting until I had reached two years in the job and then I could leave or, alternatively, my boss would leave and I'd move up another grade.

Then my boss started dating and living with a girl in the local area. He's happy and settled now and has no reason to leave, despite talking for years how terrible the money is and how he has to leave. Worse still, the credit crunch hit. All the jobs dried up and, the ones that are available, the employers want the moon on a stick. Since 2008, I've seen an £800 pa pay rise in an inflationary recession where my buying power has declined 5-10% per year. The company need the money to acquire companies so they can prop up their share price but it's a slap in the face, considering they are notoriously poor payers.

Since 2008, my parents moved away so I had to move out. I met a girl and after a whirlwind romance, we got married. It was a hideous day, my mum had an argument with my wife which ruined the day and it dented our pockets to the tune of £7,000 each. Since 2009, a combination of inheritance and savings totalled £25,000 and now I'm looking at, maybe, £7,000. I can't save, I have debts and all round I'm financially crippled. I worry ALL the time. I can never stop worrying because I see this nest egg has nearly completely vanished inside three years. Writing about the whole situation makes me want to cry.

My wife works as a nanny and hasn't seen a payrise in nearly 3 years, despite having more responsibility. I want her out of that world but I can't get her out because I simply don't have the money. It kills me to see her work through illness and back pain because I can't help her financially. I don't know how we're not making ends meet earning around £37,500 pa total, we're just not. We've both had private treatment for back problems, she needed to learn how to drive to keep her job and those things just wipe out any money we would have otherwise saved.

I've tried to take the bull by the horns. I was under-qualified to be a software tester at another company so I got a book and passed the ISEB foundation in software testing. Then the goalposts moved and they want certain experience. I'm a manual tester, I cannot expand my job to be an automated tester but everybody wants automated testers and I simply don't have the experience. No matter what I do, they move the goalposts and sitting the intermediate level won't help. It's as though I'm on a career ladder where the next rung is holographic. I can't afford formal training courses and my employer won't pony up a penny. I'm fucked from that perspective.

Recruitment consultants, when they contact me, just waste my time. I apply for 20 jobs per week and get nothing back. On the rare occasions I do get a call, or rarer still an interview, they tell me I should be earning £8,000-£10,000 more per year, which would sort out many problems. But they never get me anything. I think I could do a better job than these jokers. Do you think anybody would hire me to be a recruiter? Of course not. No sales experience.

I'm thoroughly bored of my job and want to leave. I've been doing some sports journalism for about 9 months for a friend but without qualifications, which I can't afford, I can't get a proper journalism job, which would pay worse and increase my financial problems. Sports reporter jobs are rarer than rocking horse **** anyway so while it's something I'd love to do, I can't see how it would happen. I can't start my own business, I have no idea where to start nor the capital and, besides, the business advice service in the UK was gutted under the government's austerity measures.

I don't know where to go with my life and I don't know who to turn to. Please help me.

[CleeIB]

Hi faz44,

Thanks for providing your background in such amazing detail. It's very helpful.

First, let's list what you have.

1. You have a wife, who is (a) a hard worker, and (b) willing to stick by your side through thick and thin. This is a big deal.
2. You have some job experience, in insurance and software testing. You also have informal experience as a sports journalist.

Second, let's list the downsides of your situation.

1. Harsh finances.
2. Job dissatisfaction - bored, with not much apparent possibility of advancement.

Finally, let's list your long-term goals:

1. Sports journalism, perhaps.
2. Start your own business.

Let's tackle the downsides first and then look at the long-term goals.


1. Harsh finances

a. Sell what you don't need. Most people have way more than they need. All those CDs and DVDs - sell them. (If you want to keep any, digitise them and store them as MP3s, AVI files, etc.) You will likely get better prices selling them on Amazon or eBay than taking them to a physical shop.

b. Check your spending habits. Minimise eating out. Learn to cook - over time, the savings really add up when you stop going to restaurants. Lay off the pubs, save on tips and cabs, and buy your own alcohol and consume it in-house. Establish an interest-bearing savings account into which X amount, no matter how little, goes every month.

c. Check your rent situation. Maybe you can move somewhere that is farther away and cheaper. You won't be wanting to go out much, anyway, in order to conserve money.

d. Pay down debt. Interest is a killer. Seek to pay down debt pronto. There are many online resources that offer counsel on how to pay down debt. Start digging in and learning these ropes.

2. Job dissatisfaction

a. Use what you have now and look ahead. A perception that "the goalposts keep moving" won't help you get anywhere. If the goalposts truly kept moving, no one would ever advance, which can't be the case. If you want to get ahead, figure out what it takes to get there. Save up and pay for training yourself, if that's what it takes. The sale of CDs and DVDs and extraneous goods will help you get there.

b. Look, perhaps, at getting a second job. One possibility is working from home. There is a website for work-at-home moms that is devoted to work-at-home jobs (http://www.wahm.com/forum/).

c. Look into more schooling. This may seem illogical, given your current finances, but it may be a worthwhile investment in your future. Your background suggests that business school may be an option. Business schools offer financial aid, and an MBA can open many doors for you. At this point in your career, i.e. a question mark, you should consider this option.

LONG-TERM GOALS

Sports journalism - If you want to write for a big newspaper, you probably need journalism credentials. But there are many journalism positions out there that don't need such credentials. You could write for a blog or a smaller publication. Work your way up the chain. In a past life, I was a music journalist; I worked my way up from Amazon product reviews to writing for nationally distributed newspapers and magazines. You just have to be committed and driven.

Start a business - This will likely be some time off. But if it's truly a goal, keep it in sight. More experience and perhaps more education will help you get there. Keep in mind the above tips, stabilize your current situation, and remember that you have a mate along for the journey. Good luck!

[transcribe]

Be optimistic and look for some quick solutions. Acquire few basic skills required and research for web-based, work from home jobs.

[faz44]

Thanks for your candid answer. It is a great help. Over the past couple of days, I've been having another go at trying to get another job within software testing. I've also been in contact with my old university to see if I can do anything with my half-finished degree. If I wanted to start studying my degree again, even in the evenings, I'll have to get the ball rolling now rather than down the line.

I have boxes of old CDs. Already started at going through them, digitising what I want to keep. Pricing the CDs up on sites like webuy.com and musicmagpie.com, I'm going to start on ebay and such like next week. My brother-in-law is with us at the weekend and my wife has asked for no more mess than we already have.

I've been on at my wife for ages about reducing the amount she spends on stuff. I'm going to start keeping a money diary for me to see what goes when and on what. We're kind of screwed with the rent. We already have as cheap a flat as we could conceivably get and moving out any further exacerbates the problem. Her travel costs go through the roof, as do mine, for not a lot of saving on rent. Other than moving to another part of the country with a new job, we're as good as it'll get on that front.

As for paying down debt, I need more money to do that. Moneysavingexpert basically suggests paying down the one accruing more interest but if I pay down one card quicker, I can do a balance transfer onto that card and get 0% on the balance transfer for the remainder of the term. Just need to get more money.

I am going to plough on with training. It's my only option, I shall improve my testing certification to an intermediate level and look to get started on business analysis. I'm going to sell old textbooks I don't use to get the business analysis books. Broaden my skill base to get a better job.

The problem with work-from-home jobs on the internet is their innate scamminess. I'll plough through that site to find something. I've tried affiliate marketing before and it cost me money.

As for the rest of it, well I think I need to get the debt down first before I can really breathe again.

[CleeIB]

That's the spirit. It's always good to make forward progress each day, no matter how small.

Finishing up a degree is a good idea, especially if you've already invested much time/money in it.

If you're dissatisfied with your job, it never hurts to see what else is out there.

"Wife's expenses" is another variable that (a) can affect things significantly, and (b) can be controlled

Yes, work-at-home jobs do come with risk, but forums like WAHM exist for people to discuss these risks. The larger and better companies rise to the top and stay there.

I don't know how available credit is in the UK, but look into credit cards that offer 0% interest on balance transfers, preferably for as long a time as possible. You could perhaps spread debt amongst several of these cards. This can really buy you time and give you some breathing room in terms of finances. You're not jogging the interest treadmill each month, you're actually paying down debts. Of course, you don't want to go overboard with zillions of credit cards, because too many will hurt your credit rating. And having multiple credit cards requires being organized (it helps setting their due dates to be around the same time, so that you're paying all your bills in one go at the same time each month).

Good luck!