Foreign students need a cover letter review.

[Melanie89]

Hello, i am filling a application for a master's degree and i would really appreciate a review from a English speaking person. This is what i've done so far:


Dear Sir or Madam,

I submit my application for the Masters program of Fluids Mecanics of Polytechnic School and the University Pierre and Marie Curie.

My studies at the Ecole Normale Superieur de Cachan, where I have gained a master's degree, allowed me to acquire a high level in the field of mechanics. During my education, I have consolidated my knowledge in fluid mechanics, a field in which I wish now to specialize. Furthermore, I was led, during an internship at the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX to work on behalf of a European-wide program. I have therefore actively used my skills in english.

The international scope and the high level of training offered by the two institutions of this master appear as the ideal opportunity to begin a research career in the field of fluid mechanics.

Please find enclosed the elements of my application and my resume. I remain at your disposal if you need other elements for my application.

//I also need a close for this cover letter

Thank you very much,

Melanie.

[CleeIB]

Hi Melanie,

Here's some feedback on your cover letter:

1. First paragraph - Perhaps "Mecanics" should be "Mechanics"?

2. Second paragraph - "consolidated" is not the best word, because it means to bring a number of things together, and here you are talking about only one thing, your knowledge of fluid mechanics. Try changing "have consolidated" to "strengthened".

3. Second paragraph - capitalize "English".

4. Third paragraph - You can eliminate some unnecessary words. Delete "of this master" and "the field of". "appear" is a weak word, so replace "appear as" with "present".

5. You already have a sufficient close to your cover letter with your "Please find enclosed..." paragraph, so you don't need more text for that.

Good luck!

[Melanie89]

Thank you very much!
This is very helpful