Cover Letter Review

[qin841121]

Hi, is it possible to help me review this cover letter?



19 July 2012

RE: Financial Analyst Opportunity

Dear Mr. Peter,

I hope you will consider me for the position of financial analyst, as advertised in The News Times. You mentioned in your advert a need for strong analytical skills, and with my education and work experience I felt that I was well placed for the role.

I am currently pursuing a part time Master of Science in Applied Finance in Ocean University. In additional, I have passed CFA Level 3 and FRM level 2. These educations have given me a solid understanding of the financial markets. I have been proven to be an analytical person with a GMAT score of 750 (98th percentile). My work experience of teaching and managing a class has sharpened my communication skills and relationship-management skills.

If you would like to talk with me or schedule an interview, please call me at 555-555-1212. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

M-------

Enclosure: Resume

[CleeIB]

Hi qin841121,

I've removed your name from the cover letter, as it is private information that you probably don't want floating around the Internet.

Your cover letter looks good. I suggest three changes:

1. Change "I felt" to "I feel" - present tense is stronger and more accurate, since you still feel you are well-placed for the role.

2. Change "These educations have" to "This education has" - "education" is its own plural in English (like the word "sheep").

3. I would add an email address alongside your phone contact info, in case the employer prefers to communicate that way.

Good luck!